Despite the fact that a close relationship isn’t an absolute prerequisite for being happy, a relationship definitely makes us feel happier. However, sometimes we risk breaking up with a person we genuinely care for. According to the psychologists from Massachuset university, we should avoid the following mistakes to preserve our love.
Never make these mistakes
Take a partner for granted
As a relationship develops, we tend to take for granted the partner’s presence in our life. The signs of affection, surprises, and other sweet things typical of the initial stage of a relationship start disappearing. On the one hand, it means that a relationship becomes more mature. On the other hand, the yearning for a nice romantic period may shade those precious things that make your union stick together. In such moments, it’s useful to imagine what your life without a partner would be.
Imagine how you would live if you really part? What would you do? Will it affect your well-being and notions of a happy future? These fantasies will help you to preserve a relationship and feel more acutely the things that have made you stick together: affection, interest for a partner, anxiety for them, and many other personal emotions! It’s very important to consider these moments since they may become your guiding point.
Very often, we stop noticing and valuing our close people only because we’ve got used to them and think they will never leave us. But if we (even unwillingly) show out indifference towards a partner, sooner or later they will start looking for care and attention somewhere else.
Think that a partner will leave you
Undoubtedly, it’s a bad idea to be indifferent to a partner; nonetheless, we shouldn’t be obsessed with them and constantly wonder if they love us and value our relationship. People who are too dependent on others’ attention may scare off a close person because of their desperate need for love confirmation. After a border of a relationship and mutual responsibilities are defined, it’s not necessary to constantly ask if you matter to your partner.
In case your relationship is only starting to develop and it’s too early to talk about responsibilities, you can easily define if a partner is sincere with you. Are they interested in your life, kind and attentive to your mood, do they consider your tastes and desires – all these and other signs clearly show your partner’s feelings and intentions.
Do you often worry about your relationship? Are you afraid to do or to say something wrong? Do you think that your partner’s tiredness means that they aren’t interested in a relationship with you anymore? If you are anxious about these things too often, you risk two variants. In the first place, comfort and a loss of confidence. Secondly, a partner may feel our doubts and indecisiveness and consider them as a sign that we don’t want to move forward in a relationship. This way, it’s very likely you may break up soon.
Ignore a couple’s personal space
A couple in an established relationship always has some mysteries connecting both partners, and it’s very important to respect this intimate space. Telling others any details of our private life, we risk hurting a close person so that they may stop trusting us.
Once you reveal any of your partner’s secrets and they happen to find it out, they aren’t likely to realize that you are the source of a rumor; yet, the feelings of humiliation and insult won’t become less acute. You will start sympathizing with your partner (especially if you care about them) and you may suffer from the remorse of consciousness because once you told the things you didn’t have to. These feelings may be long-lasting and agonizing, but they won’t solve the problem.
Complain about a partner
Those of us who are engaged in a lasting relationship definitely know what things they want to change about their partner. It’s not strange because there are no ideal people in the world. A problem arises if we decide to discuss our list of problematic issues not with a partner but with another person eager to sympathize with us. Apart from the fact that it would be a revelation of a personal secret, this strategy is destructive by default since a partner may not even be aware of your accusations.
Thus, why not share your complaints with a partner first? By the way, if you always focus on the negative sides only, you risk failing to notice your partner’s strong points. Undesirable character traits, qualities, or habits you focus on aren’t likely to disappear. Thus, if you are too concentrated on the aspects that irritate you, finally you will find more and more reasons for irritation.
Don’t treat a partner seriously
What place does your partner take in the hierarchy if your priorities? Are your children in the first place? And your job is very important, too? Sure, you can always find a logical explanation: children grow up very quickly, and your boss needs you for a couple of rewarding projects. Meanwhile, time is flying, children are growing up, business people are retiring, and the partners that don’t feel appreciated in a relationship leave because nobody likes taking the last place.
It’s very easy to find a reason for a mutual irritation in a lasting relationship; the question is how we deal with it. One of the most dangerous means to cope with irritation is to pretend that nothing is going on. It may seem that it’s much safer to hide one’s discontent or disagreement with your partner’s actions or words, but it’s a harmful illusion. Hiding our real feelings, we risk losing trust and erasing the possibility of a sincere talk.
Stop believing in a partner
Every person goes through numerous hardships, and when our partner is going through a black stripe, it becomes a trial for us as well. It seems clear that in this case, we need to support and cheer up a beloved person. But if you’ve got used to the fact that your partner is your support, it may be difficult to stay optimistic in such a situation. Despite this, you should always believe in a close person. Your support and a firm belief that a partner will cope with a problem will not only alleviate their pain but also become a necessary impulse to move on.
Stop believing in your relationship
No matter what is happening in a relationship, you shouldn’t give up. Be it a routine misunderstanding, different characters, or a betrayal. Once you give up, you deprive yourself of the possibility to get emotionally close to a person who’s been very dear for you for a long period of time. You’ve put a lot into this union; thus, don’t let desperation finish everything abruptly. Focus on the positive aspects of your union, and it will be easier to find a solution.
Thus, now you know what aspects may kill your relationship. Try to avoid them at all costs if you really care about a partner and your common future.